I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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