hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
barbara walters just said penis...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
