sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
