so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
