I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So much rum. So many feels.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
