office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
