can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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