I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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