I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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