I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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