just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
