Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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