if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she told me i tasted like america
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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