glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
