Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she peed on how many people?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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