At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
3pm strippers are depressing
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize