these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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