You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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