It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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