Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
