Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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