bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
