the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
