Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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