just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We left the knife in your bed.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
