My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize