I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
