I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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