I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
