he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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