Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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