grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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