all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
