so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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