I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize