Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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