I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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