you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
