there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
