dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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