He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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