New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
