Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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