you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Randomize
