...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
