I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
