Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
