Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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