Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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