I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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