I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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