I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
