worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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