I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
