guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's official drugs can't kill me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
