i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
no. you can't hotbox the world.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
