laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
