Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
