I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
