I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
