I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize