there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
