She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
