There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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