There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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