I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
