you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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