He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
