I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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