So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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