my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
