I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
