Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
