Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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