Pants 0. Shit 1.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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