hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
