i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
