WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
