Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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