dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
