how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
