my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
