You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
birth control should be required to get into college
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
