i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize