Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize