We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
