i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
