I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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