Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
