Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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