No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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