Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize