Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
These tits shall not be calmed
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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