How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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