We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
