it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Mom said you looked used
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
