He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
