Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
