guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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