Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
