you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
