My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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