I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
