I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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