burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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