margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You work out of a Hotel?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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