never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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