so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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