You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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