I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
